The update you have been waiting for, plus a Horrible Poem
i can't believe i let myself get so worked up over this fake election.
i actually believed that kerry had a chance. WTF?!?!?
also, i believed that kerry stood for something different than bush.
and actually, they aren't that different at all. bunch of tricksters.
oh, some news of note: i am working again. temp stuff working banquet dinners and the like.
"it's rad!!!" 9 bucks per hour, baby.
also i'm taking a class at the local community college.
my hope is that i can take a few more classes next semester, and transfer to a school in chicago or boston, or maybe pittsburg. somwhere with a real public transportation system, y'know?
i mean, i love cleveland, but i am giving up on driving for the moment, cause i don't like being in jail.
it's just not my idea of a good time.
however, i hear that nick-o is planning some kind of super secret road trip.
and i dont' think i can miss out on that.
also, for some reason ex girlfriends are falling out of the sky and into my lap.
i've been getting email from rachel (who, in her typical fashion, says that she wants to get together with me but then doesn't call or write or anything.....and i get my hopes up and it's self defeating.....and i feel defeated.....)
i feel really hurt when rachel says that she wants to see me, and we set up tentative times and dates and stuff like that, and then she just blows me off. i mean, shit, how hard is it to call someone to be like, yeah, um, i'm doing something else tonight, maybe i'll see you some other time. i hate that she could totally have me back if she wanted, and also that i could let myself be manipulated by my own false hope. something like that.
and i have run into rebecca 3 times in the last 2 weeks.....due to the fact that she lives across the street from my friends in little italy. and, um, she is teh hotness. yeah. man, she was psycho. but in a good way, most of the time.....in fact since i saw her she asked my friends about me.....no, she harrassed (does blogger have a spellcheck?!?!?) my friends about me, and then she gave them the message that she doesn't want to see me at all (i saw her at a party her whole duplex threw for halloween) because "it stirs up too many emotions" or something like that. well....i did pretty much dump her out of the blue...and she didnt' take it very well.....to say the least....but when i look back on that relationship, it's the one i feel i mishandled the most. i mean, ok, so she was a little....obsessed with me....but she was the kind of girl that made you feel like a man. i mean, we had a passion that was pretty out of control. i mean, it was like two stars exploding together, or something. so, i wrote a poem about it that i'm going to give to her. since i'm pretty sure she never would read this blog. i mean, who reads this blog, anyway? like, 5 people? maybe 7? yeah.....so here's a poem that's like, whoa, all highschool and stuff......
this poem is painfull....bleck....but i'm still gonna give it to her....
RE: my lack of courage
i've seen frightened eyes
flowers dried up left for dead
terse expressions quivering chin
i've seen these things with my own eyes
and never stopped to apologize
i've often looked at the past
to see where i've fucked up
and where i've done right
and where i've done right
i'm never quite sure
and where i've fucked up
i can't possibly ignore
and never stopped to apologize
and never stopped to apologize
i wish i could go back
and take away
some things i had said
i wish i could go back
and take away
some things i had done
(most of all
i regret
not having the courage
to follow my heart
i feel i betrayed myself
and thus i betrayed you)
----
that's my rhyme, folks.
peace
chokestah
