lots of people, they go to the mall or wherever to buy christmas gifts, and it's great, and yeah, who hoo, and all of that.

but i would like to thank my friend nic, who runs okcancel.org. most of the people who are reading this know nic personally, and a few of us have known him for 7 years now. nic has given me a christmas present, mainly, he is redesigning the cHOKE portion of okcancel.org. why? well, i asked for a few changes, something i thought would be cool, like a bulletin board that people could post to and ask specific questions to me, without the hassle of email. plus, everyone could read the comments, and comment on the comments. and then comment on the comment that the comments don't really make any new comments about the original comments. so we could all be yakking it up. so nic is doing that, and he's also doing a little redesign, as cHOKE has looked like this since the album "the bed is in the ocean" by Karate came out, which was 99? 98? in terms of websites, a whole millenia ago.

so nic is worshiping at the alter of selfless giving, he is a devotee of the highest ideals that man can aspire too, which is being of service to his fellow man. so everyone should take note of the selfless act, to please my desire for a little space on the web, he is doing on the only bit of free time he has inbetween semesters at school. if i was him, i'd be at some show drinking some good beer.

those of you who don't know nic, here's a little about him:
he is kind, compassionate, passionate, giving, selfless, loyal, independent, brave, loving, creative, beautifull.......

in short, he embodies the ideals that we should all strive for.

enjoy the holidays

chris  ¶ 12/24/2002 09:26:11 AM

  Merry Christmas!

Christ said this:
"if you had the faith of a Mustard seed, you could tell that mountain to get up and move, and it would"
i'm paraphrasing, ok? so don't get biblical on me (oh wow that's a lame joke)
he also said:
'the only way to get to the father, is to go through me'
this has been interpreted by most people to say, you must believe in ME, or you will go to hell.
well.....here is what i think.
what he is really saying is, if you have a genuine desire to know the Supreme Father, if you want to Know him intimatley, the only way is to follow the ideals i am putting forth in my teachings. which means, love everyone, practice ahimsa (non-violence), serve your fellow man, and engage in some teachings that are designed to help you realize the love that is inherant in every particle of the universe. But you don't have to believe in me. you have to believe in your own value, your own connection to the Eternal. your own ability to Love, and to be Loved. stuff like that.

in that spirt, let us celebrate the life of Christ, a true Master of the Universe!

um, below is just somthing i emailed a friend, but i thought it should go up here, too.


these days the prospect of bettering the lives of people around me, helping and serving others, that is what puts smiles on my face. and the eternal mystery of life, the mystery that surrounds religon, and man, and spirituality, and how to make sense of all of it. how can we get from where we are right now, which is great in some ways, to where we want to be, which is (for me) the prospect of the good values of the USA, mainly, prosperity and freedom for all people, open arms to anyone that wishes to live there, the highest ideals of environmental security, freedom of expression, etc etc etc. the us, it seems, is forgeting what it was founded on, or at least, the public doens't care enough to protest the draconian meassures taken by the govt. blah blah. blah.

my dream, is some kind of world where there is no war, there is no poverty, there is a more equal distribution of wealth, and where there is total freedom of expression, thought, and belief. i think these are the ideals of most good people, and they get stopped by listening to people who want to keep things the way they are, ie: the GW Bush's and Putin's and the Media, etc etc etc.

this is just my 2 cents, right now.

ok take care.
flamers are welcome to join my party.
cHOKE  ¶ 12/23/2002 02:46:42 AM

  um. everytime i get on the net, i go to the drudgereport. yeah. sometimes i go to cleveland.com, that fills me in on clevebland scene. i'm back in coimbature. coimbature is like Akron.....only 5 times as big, and there really aren't any pretty parts of it....it's like, the east side of cleveland, only with semi tall buildings, and it's 5 times the size of "EC" as the homies call it. I picked up a India guide, so now i can make educated decisions on where to go? and i have a guide to the temples in south india. yeah. feelin better these days.

so my friend, who i thought was giving me a compliment like, yeah you're a star, no the person was just telling me that, literaly, i am made of stars, that we are all made of that same matter. i had been ego tripping in my mind the past day or so, and it brought me back to earth....i even had my first mtv video figured out. and then i was thinking 'well, i could have 'cribs' do my apartment, and then i could show people all these vegetables, and my cars....' blah blah blah. ego is crazy stuff, let me tell you. it's a good thing i slapped myself upside the head. so how is everyone doing? oh man the holidays are here, huh? i bet everyones getting into that christmas spirit. BTW, when was christ born? oh i'm sorry that's a trick question.....if you actually know, let me know i'd like to celebrate his real date of birth. i got this book on philosiphy, its a little one with 1 page descriptions of diffferent points of view, stuff like that. i didnt' know what an agnostic was, but now i know. in some respects i would have to say i am somewhat agnostic. i feel that i have suffiecient evidence to prove to myself that god does indeed exist, but what how can i be sure? maybe my evidence is based on false memories, incorrect assumptions, creations of my own mind, who is to know? the more i think about it, the more i feel like i need to go back to my Landmark training, get back into that. that stuff is powerfull, man. it's righteous.

did you hear about this?

here's a quote from the story:
"Michael Swetnam, co-author of a book on bin Laden and al-Qaida, said Murray's comments were mostly on the mark. He said bin Laden since 1988 has been on a mission to build schools, roads and homes for widows of those killed in the fight against the Soviets in Afghanistan."

um.....and this from the senator herself...
"Having a challenging and thoughtful discussion about America's future reflects the best values of a free democracy; to sensationalize and distort in an attempt to divide does not.

While there are some on the extreme fringes of society who try to exploit fear and uncertainty for political gain, there are many more who understand that the best value of our democracy is the freedom to think and to secure a better future."

that's why its called a 'free country'
which brings me to another thing : Sen. Lott.
alot of people are calling for his resignation from his post in the senate. he has already resigned from his post as Majority Leader.
While his remarks are pretty....sad...pathetic....evocative of an ideology that most people have long been trying to eradicate, let me ask you: has he broken any laws? he is a free person, he is an elected representative of his state. he is free to say whatever the heck he wants too. obviously, if his collegues in the GOP think that his comments reflect ideas they are trying to run away from, then it doesn't serve them for him to be their leader, so it makes sense that he should resign from the majority position. but being vilified and crucified, so to speak, for talking - that's rediculous. i mean, c'mon, he's allowed to say whatever he wants, however 'bizzare' and 'segregationist' it may appear. as it is said, talk is cheap.

ok. more later.
love and peace fromt the land of the lotus.
chris




  ¶ 12/21/2002 06:26:49 AM

  this is interesting....it gets better at the bottom...more evidence that the constitution is just glorified toilet paper.


man some poor dog is either barking or wining or wincing or something, i can hear him down below, i can't tell if he's in pain of he's just got a funny bark...i'm in kovipudur...i think thats how you spell it.

i'm not sure what i'm doing. my plans keep changing....
some kind of search....for what, i dont' know.
wrote a new song today. i don't have words for any of my songs, so i just hum, or else i'll sing 'hare krishna hare krishna krishna krishna hare hare hare rama hare rama rama rama hare hare' or something.... a whisper, or just in my head...i'm so consious of my voice...i don't want it to sound bad....when i listen to it, in recordings, it sounds weird to me, i can't tell if it sounds good or not.

i asked a couple of my friends if they thought i could be a rock star or something. one of em was like
'chris, you are made out of a star. you're already there' which made my day.
gettin email from peole i havent heard from makes my day. especially when they say 'man your blog is atrocious' or 'dude i thought the last post was righteous' or whatever. how is everyone enjoying the season of commercialism? if you're like me, you don't even notice. no tv to demand that i buy this thing or that thing, the billboards are mostly in hindu, so i cant' even understand them. the ones i can understand are like 'drink pepsi!" and show some indian cricket star/movie actor/ smiling face. i pick up the asian issue of time, and it reminded me, oh yeah, its getting near christmas, cause there was a 'letter from america' that said that 'kmart is begging people to shop there, saying that if they don't have a good holiday season they will be out of business' so they're trying to appeal to peoples........compassion. excuse me, but WTF? I will praise the day that church of Blatant Crass Consumerism chokes on its own girth. instead of spending your money there, why don't you.............donate it to a local soup kitchen? i should shut up, because it's not like i've ever done something so noble in my life. the times i worked at a soup kitchen i had to b/c my school at the time 'required' it. and i have shopped at a kmart, so how much of a hipocrite am i? ugh.....

some good news! really!

what do you think about god? does he exist? is he important? can you be an activist for social causes, and also be a spiritual person? is there difference between religon and spirituality? should we even ponder these thoughts?

some of these questions i've been wrestling with. some i've already thought thru, and come to some conclusions.
in terms of "religon" i think there are only a few that have any merit. not in any order....
1. Buddhism
2. Hindu"ism"
3. Christianity - but to be clear, only the teachings of christ. the whole notion of 'church' - going to church, baahing with the rest of the crowd, looking good, etc. i think the teachings of Christ are horribly misunderstood by most people who go to church and would say they are 'christians' most people miss the boat, IMHO.
4. Various known and unknown religons, or belief systems of native americans, south americans, africa, aborigonies of australia, china, etc etc

it seems to me that God does exist. i can say in my personal experience that i have seen things that have made it absolutely clear that there is a Supreme Creator, or Force, or whatever you want to call it. it also seems to me, that if there is only one thing a human might know about that force, it is that it is pure love, 110% pure. if you can think of when you have felt loved in your life, and multiply it by the size of the universe (which is growing....which shows that the Creator...is still...creating) you will have a faint idea of the love that emanates from the Divine Source. Which leads me to think that, death is actually a great thing, b/c it is then that we will get closer to the creator, and closer to that love. there are probobly many many things we can do here on earth to get closer to his love, and i'm exploring ways in which i can feel some peace of mind that comes from knowing that God lives within me.

hey how about a mood breaker? here's one...

occasionaly i have the bad habit of starting something, getting interested in it, and then losing intrest. such is the case with the above writing. i mean, i can blab about god all day long if i want, but i feel like i know...next to nothing. if you're curious about my thoughts, shoot me an email. xchokexus@yahoo.com is open 24/7/365 for your communication needs.

ok, well i've said some things....i've left out others....if you've read this far, you're probobly a member of the Information Awareness Office, or some other draconian field mouse, and i hope i'm put into your file marked 'un-American Tendencies, Watch Closely'

Love from Lotus land
Chris
  ¶ 12/20/2002 08:55:26 AM

  My alter ego

Give us your poor, well, actually, you can keep em all....

Dude, you got Googled


um.... today my tummy hurtzz a little but thats ok i'm not sick really i'm fine. last night i saw an indian movie, even though it didnt have subtitles it was still pretty easy to follow. the main character was a cripple, or whatever the pc term is, i don't know, the dude had a hump on his back and walked with his knees going in and had huge buck teeth, but he was really funny, he had the silliest expressions. so he tries to get married, but the only girl that will marry him is a scary looking midget, so he is without a wife. so then he helps this other girl get together with this famous basketball player, who is played by the same guy that is playing the cripple, a la dr evil/austin powers, ya dig? so he helps this girl run away with the basketball star, but the night she runs away she runs into the village psycho, who is gonna rape her. but then he pushes her off a cliff and she dies in her lovers arms, ouch!! while this is going on the cripple meets this blind girl and she falls for him, cause he really is a nice guy, and she can't see his humpback etc. so then they find out she can get an experimental surgery to cure her blindness. everyone tells the cripple to tell her not to do it, cause then she'll see his freakish looks and not want to be with him, but he says, i'd rather her know who i really am and judge me, rather than not knowing if she would love me if she saw me, etc etc blah blah aww isn't that sweet. so the surgery, is a success!! and here's the kicker....they use the eyes of the basketball player's lover who just died!!! the basketball guy finds out and starts stalking the girl, and she's freaked out cause he looks at her like...he wants her pants. and the cripple, he sees the blind girl hug the basketball guy when she thought he was the cripple, and goes into seclussion. eventually the father finds him and tells him to come back, she wants to see him, and he does, and at first she just gives him blessings cause she thinks he's just some cripple but then he speaks and she knows its the guy she fell in love with and.....well i think you can guess.

but wait!!! that night while the cripple and his bride to be are sleeping the door knocks....and its the psycho rapist who told the cripple he would kill him if he ever saw him again, so he starts beatin the crap out of him, but then he notices the bride to be... and he almost gets away with it, but then the basketball guy shows up and kills him, it's very dramatic, and everything is good. the movie ends with the cripple and the blind girl ( whos not blind anymore) getting hitched.

during movies at the theatre the indians clap along with the songs. all the movies are like musicals, they all have singing and dancing parts, no matter what kind of movie they are. so the audience they clap and cheer when the hero kills the villian, they clap when the music goes, they show alot of emotion during the movie. the movie i saw was pretty good, i thought. even thou i couldn't understand it.

so i'm in Cochin now, and it's very nice. not alot of pollution, not alot of garbage, it's a huge city.
i like it here, but hotels are a little bit more than usual. but it's still verrrrry cheap. i got a new shirt, and it cost me about 4 dollars. so i'm going to buy some more after i sign off. i went on a tourist boat that went to some cool places, some 500 year old churches and a former palace where there is a mural of the 'ramayana' that is 200 years old. cool stuff.

everywhere i go, i think of people i know, and what they would be acting like if they were with me.
i want to organize a trip here with a bunch of my friends, cause that's the only thing i'm missing here.

um...............Just Say No...to War in Iraq......
peace and love
chris  ¶ 12/19/2002 05:52:13 AM

  www.cursor.org

sitting on the train trying not to feel sick
the countryside is unfolding in front of me
cows and rickshaws fires burn away
and all in enveloped by palm trees

we pass a village thats coverd in filth
garbage strewn in dusty streets
the houses are nothing but sheetmetal shacks
and the walls have been turned into advertisements

all the sudden it hits me real hard
poverty is choking this country
i see a man asleep on a bench
i can't tell you how he touched me

what the hell am i doing right now?
sitting on a train going to another hotel!
what the hell is the matter with me?
all i've really known
is luxury
cotton sheets
warm down comforters
fast fast cars
a loving mother
pocket full of cash
places to spend it
smoke filled basements
i'd like to forget it.

i dont understand why i've had so much
and so many people have had such less
yeah i know its the luck of the draw
some get lucky most get passed

a lonely tear burned down my cheek
i can't believe that i've been acting so selfish
and then a couple of kids in a rice field
smile and grin and i felt
helpless
a victim of emotions
unable to enjoy
this moment of beauty
i found myself in
palm trees and dirt roads
and simple farms
smiling little boys
and giggling girls
they all want to touch
my long curly hair
i think i'm gonna be ok
i just need to realize some facts
i've been given so much to help myself
there's nothing that i lack
nothing that i lack
just gotta find the way
to give some back
to give some back
to give some back  ¶ 12/18/2002 03:26:17 AM

  some juicy little bit of orwellian future for you....

http://www.darpa.mil/iao/index.htm  ¶ 12/16/2002 08:29:30 AM

 
hello, my name is chris, and i am lazy.
more will come later. motivation is lacking, but will pick up when i get over the recent loss of sandals, money, camera, and good pictures. be well!

cHOKE


--- Rachel W wrote:
> with legs of elastic

>
> - promise ring. is that emo enough?


> hahaha
> until sunrise
> anyways
> um
> lisnin 2 nevadinova again
> and again
> she dances fntastic
> is a good song
> like great


where are they from? i've never herd of them.


> I mean I cant get tired of iit
> its soo down tempo
> reminds me of long summer days spent in the shade
> I miss that warm air.

man all i listen to these days is "yoshimi battles the pink robots" by the flaming lips, and "different damage" by QandnotU.


> I like warm dry air
> a cool breeze from the north
> that rolls in after dark
> the skies always purple and pink

dude, clevebland ain't got shite compared to these sunsets. i mean the whole f---ing sky is pink. not just part of it. off the charts.


> cant see a damn thing in the sky anymore
> I mean dead grey isnt bad I just want some color
> I have a terrible cough
> its wretcjed
> like zeriks cough

if you breath out hard it sounds like an exhaust muffler, right? you and greg should have a deth coff off.

> shortlived silence my family is home must go
> good day
> xo
> rachel

been runnin into some bad luck...
someone stole 500 buckeroos out of my hotel room...
and then i sprained my ankle, kinda bad i couldn't walk at all hardly last nite or this morning, but its getting better. then i went parasailing and of course the boat pulling me died in the ocean so a whole bunch of stuff got wet.... my camera, my passport, this book i was reading, which wasn't that good anyway, but i just about die if i have nothing to read. luckily i salvaged some things, and maybe if i get the camera serviced it will work again. it sucks, cause the parasailing was awesome! wow. i was incoherently screamin as igot picked up. and then when i got back to the shore, someone had lifted my sandals. arrrrrggggghhhh. well they were just sandals i suppose, and i'm not dead. the guys that were driving the boat bought me some new ones, cause they felt bad. but goa hasn't been very kind to me. losing the money, that realllly sucks man really i'm pissed about it. but oh well money goes along way here....

my plan now is to go back to coimbature and hook up with a yoga master. i will study for 1-2 months, then when i know my stuff i will be traveling more around india. i really want to see the taj mahal, and visit Khempo at the buddhist monastary, not sure where in India it is. Khempo is a pretty cool guy. so that's where i'm at, digggggit>>>>.....?

  ¶ 12/16/2002 07:42:14 AM

  ok real quick i don't have time......i'm in Goa, which is a state like, the size of delaware, it is on the coast, it is pretty (for india) the sunsets are awesome, lots of tourist stuff, everything is cheap, lots of foreigners....etc etc.

when i have more time i'll give a real update.
and maybe another instalment in the story.

cHOKE  ¶ 12/15/2002 03:31:56 AM

  eric stepped out of the plane, onto the threadbare jetway carpet, and was immideately assaulted.
he had to blink at least five times before the electrical impulses now being recieved by his brain could put the sensations into words he could understand. thicker? thinner? WTF? hot....wearing a pea coat, of all things....why am i wearing this get up, in this weather?.....F$#%, my hat. well now there was no chance of not looking stupid. might as well put on the happy face and trudge back. here he was, on a journey to escape the utter stupidity, no, the vapidly excesive idiocy of his half spent youth, and this was how he started it.

leaving his @*&^$%^#$@#& hat in the @(^$#&($%$#%^# overhead storage compartment of Indian Airways flight # 286, London Heathrow to Mumbai International, before he had even seen so much as a @#%&*%^#* rickshaw.

He didn't even want to think about it. it was 5 days later, and he shook his head and arched his eyebrows at the empty room he was in, such was the self loathing he felt about the way he acted during the first 25 minutes of his pilgrimage into.....

What?

he suddenly sat on the bed and began wondering what it was, exactly, he was doing in this strange land. the first thing he thought of was the self hatred he really felt for himself that he had come to escape. well, it wasn't as if he was doing anything special in pittsburgh. drinking Iron City every night, smoking half a pack of American Spirts, no, a full pack it had been right before he left. shit, he had even been smoking grass, even though it made him feel like everything was going to crash down on his head. well, at least it was a far cry from the state of his mind 2 years ago, before God decided to have a talk with him and literaly took all the enjoyment out of recreational drug use, such that whenever he smoked a bowl he thought he was....going....to....die....

Yes, that's what it was. the God thing. If it even was God....
he was so high that night he couldn't pass out, which is what he always did.
no, he had to go outside and have a smoke by himself, and there it was, or there He was, or It.....or....
Maybe it was a $%&^$%*& space alien, for all he knew!....one thing was for sure....
it was Something, and this....Something had made it Impossible for him to revel in the excesses of American Youth in the 21st century. Which to Eric meant smoking lots and lots and lots and lots of pot.

And here he was, in India of all places, at the house of a very nice working class family his friend Jim had set him up with. Jim was the only one in the whole group who had managed to step away from the constant lung anihilation and had traveled all over asia looking to "enhance his world view" as it was called. Shit, all he wanted to do was escape the sick sad Potface scene, and when he came back he had a full beard, had grown 2 inches due to standing up straight, and could actually talk to non pot heads without saying "Dude...." or "Whatever" or any of 200 cliche phrases his so called friends had claimed for themselves. This cat practicly glowed, Eric thought. So now here he was, escaping the Vapidly Excessive Idiocy of his former cronies, and with a side order of "Hello God it's Me Eric.....Now what??"
  ¶ 12/11/2002 10:19:45 AM

  um.
did you know that most of the elements of christmas are (gasp!) borrowed from pagan holidays?
like - the tree. gift exchanging. there's some other stuff i'm missing but, hey most people miss the trees for the forest, anyways.

i had an idea the other day.
an artist collective space, in a city.
take a where house and convert it into a art gallery/club.
artists can display their work, if it sells the house takes 30%
when bands play, the house takes 25%
hey, it'll be BYOB so we can save our money for merchandise....

of course we could also have practice rooms, studio space, etc.

hey this is just an idea i had but it would be cool, IMHO.
if anyone has anything to add..you know my name and number.

i purchased a cassete recorder to record sounds....from my guitar, from teh city, from the birds, from all around.
the sounds here are crazy.

ok my time is up.
peace and love from lotus land, y'all

cHOKE  ¶ 12/8/2002 07:24:17 AM

  so the other day blogger was acting up. acting funny. oh well.

i got a bunch of pictures but i need to scan them and such then i will 'hook it up' as they say.
if you would like to be on the list email me. xchokexus@yahoo.com is the name of the game.
i purchased a 25 mg mailbox from yahoo so if yo uwant to send me big files go ahead. i'm down.

so rachel is writing me everyday and keeping me informed as to the clevebland scene.
doesnt seem like much is changing there. snow on the ground. dark skys.
did you know it's 65-70 degrees every day here? yup. sun is shining all day. but the mosquitosssss.
man they bug me. i'm tryin to relax and read and such and they just want to suck my blood.
especially when i'm eating. how rude. these mosquitos, they're some big juicy ones, too. the first few days when they were biting my toxic blood it really really really hurt, man, but now they are but a mere annoyance. especiall when i play guitar. man get off me i'm tryin to create.

i've been watching alot of films lately. video cds cost 200-300 ruppes, and 500 rupees is 10 bux so its not so bad. i've seen some bond, some other us films, and some hindi and bollywood films. the hard part is finding hindi and bollywood films that have english subtitles, otherwise it's really frustrating. we picked up an old hindi film from the 70's that was really good. the lead female, definitly a beauty. pure beauty, not that crap you see today. and she had a voice to match.

so pretty soon i'm gonna start traveling, once i get some of my plans worked out. i'm planning on attending a yoga program somewhere, but i'm not sure when or where or which one. my uncle is helping me decide. the one i was going to go to is pretty expensive, 1200 bux or so. but there are other ones, not for tourists, for 100-500 bucks. which would leave me a healthy amount of cash to throw around whilst i travel. i've allready bought some gifts for some people....maybe you'll recieve something when i get back? maybe....

the city we go to almost every day is pretty dirty. not as bad as bombay but still pretty dirty. the pollution is stifiling. it sickens me. and they dont have trash cans it seems. they just pile up the loose garbage in huge piles and then (i'm not joking) set it on fire. plastic, cardboard, leaves, everything. they'll just burn it, cause the trash collectors only come maybe once a week if you're lucky. the government is pretty corupt, so if the trash collectors dont feel like coming they wont. so maybe 2 times a month, if they feel like it. this is why i don't like going to the city. it smells fetid, everyone stares at me. everyone. the black smoke coming from the big trucks and the haze that envelopes the city makes me choke. the cars are 20 years behind in technology. my rabbit is higher tech than most of the cars here.

but the country. the country is very very nice.
and the temples are thousands of years old.
and i was blessed by an elephant at one of the temples.
it's trunk touched my head and blessed me.
and the food is really good.
some of it is vegan but it is all vegetarian.
they have 2 kinds of restaraounts here
"veg" and "non-veg" they won't even say meat, cause it sounds gross.

well my time is up.
i'll write more later
don't forget to write....
choke (in lotus land)   ¶ 12/5/2002 03:32:15 AM