"Education is not a product: mark, diploma, job, money; It is a process, a never-ending one." -bel kaufman

Sunday, March 21, 2004


day dreaming

one of the most common thoughts i return to each week is how i am still so young, and i feel like i am losing something, losing possible moments in time. while sitting on the marble floor of federal plaza yesterday, leaning up against a post office window and chatting with a new acquaintance, i was reminded of my loss of free time. i listened to her and imagined her working her simple job and coming home with time to spare, not having to worry about falling behind in responsibilities. to be a free and unrestrained youth. this teaching gig is my life with no room for anything else really, nothing significant and time consuming, that is. i wish i had time to stay up late with friends and time to change my plans sporadically and time to sit on couches for days at a time. i miss a lack of routine.

but i think about the possibilities, how if i were presented with the opportunity to run away and return to the wandering, rebellious life i would refuse the offer. i would refuse only because i made the choice to teach high school. no one pushed me into this. and i am still doing it, almost 100 days strong now. i've questioned quitting. running away to adventures unplanned and spontaneous. i question leaving my job all the time, but i know that if i put in a few years to teach and earn a masters degree, i will come out of this with experience and with purpose. and most of all, i know that in the end i will be the same person, no matter what. i will most definitely still have my desire to wander and be rebellious. and i will still desire a lack of routine. i will still up and run off on a whim to follow my day dreams. but in a few years, after sticking with this routine, i will have done something i had always thought nearly impossible for me. in the end, i will have the experiences and the memories. that's what i want out of this life.


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