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02/19/2003 Archived Entry: "thinking deep stuff..."

listening to alot of karate lately.
i have "unsolved" and "some boots" with me
they are both excellent. "some boots" is probobly their best work, IMHO

sometimes i feel really good. real light airy happy smiling life is good life is good
sometimes i feel like it is an effort to be cordial and nice. it's irking me a little, b/c i want to even it out. sure, it's not the huge waves i used to feel but still it affects the way i treat people and the way i treat myself.

and then some thoughts came to me when i was on the bike riding around the city.
these feelings.....they are mine, mine alone. and i don't really know what they are. i can't describe them accurately to anyone, b/c words don't come up when i have these feelings. it's just that all the sudden i'll realize 'oh this is different than before' or whatever. i can't really associate words with them. and then i thought that there's no real way to talk to someone and tell from the words they use what they are saying...this is confusing, but what i mean is that communication, is it really words? is it really mathematical and commercial and all that? it seems to me that maybe the words we use are just maybe a way to expel energy and the real communication, and i mean when you're talking to someone next to you not on the phone, the real communication happens with your eyes and your heart.

does any of this make sense?
but then...music communicates so much, in words.
karate is awesome. it makes me feel...peacefull. whatever that means.
what does it mean to you? it means that i don't express anything facially, that i feel disconected from the troubles of my body and my mind is somewhat empty, that i can look around and observe everything without attaching huge brain numbing values to all i see "good" "bad" etc.

emptyness is a form of peace. i think.

i'm dying for some feedback from you guys out there...
everyone dropped off the face of the earth, i swear.
i bet you're all on your way to DC to tell "dubya" to stick it where the sun don't shine.

peace out
chris

replies: 1 comment.

the feedback is negative as always from here and coated with a thick coat of black dye and rotteness to every core no matter what is said, so that being what it is no one here cares about much surely not a war that isn't ours and led by freemasons and skull and bones affifliates nor never peace be an options for it is the only thing worse than war nor a shred of thought is spared on the thought of not being horrible troubled by all that has come to pass and all that will certainly come to pass, for he who cares not suffers the lest and this is all we have to hold us above the ever rising draining waters of the accursed approaching amerikan dream of soiled soil tree stumps and impending disorder that was what we thought was best to destroy is whatever you can mary once said we are trying to fill up the empty space with the positive energy that bleeds from what we desire, the freedom issue tis not much of an issue at all for we are as free as you get and we all suffer from lack of feeling in extrememties and all the quarter sized holes that have been burnt in our brains where emotions lie to us in etheral language and sing us dead songs untill we sleep for 2 hours and can't stop dreaming the rest of the day all we live for is pleasure and even that is fleeting these days due to massive drug tolerences and dread of the junky life my head's in a jar and the jar is small and slightly cracked with horrible oxygen leaking in at unfair intervals while alas we sing, "we hate love we love hate."

posted by el prince depresso @ 02/19/2003 11:22 PM india