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01/16/2003 Entry: "some somewhat organized thoughts"
o there is this farm, its called the "Bhaktivedanta Eco-Village" and its 18 km from Kollur, in the village of kudachudri. i'm looking at the brochure for it right now, its a charitable institution, actually. "spiritual retreat, temple,orphanage, guesthouse, cow protection, organic agriculture, alternative energy, trekking, village school, ayurvedic nursery, arts and crafts, festivals". This is the farm that my host, Tattva Darshan Das, is the manager of this farm. he has been living in india for about 20 years, and is a very gentle man. his story of how he discovered Krsna Conciousness and what it has meant to him is one of many that i have been collecting for my own benefit, and i have enjoyed highly being in his company these last few weeks. he asked me if i would go to the farm and check it out, that there were also some canadiens there that would probobly enjoy seeing another westerner. its strange, here in india when you see another westerner you think either 'hey, how does he know about this?' or you think 'cool, i should talk to him and see if he knows whats going on' and so it feels good to meet people you can talk to easily and freely with at a normal tone. so much of india is in the speaking, and much of the time you have to economize what you say, you have to reduce it down to the bare essentials. if you add a little flourish to your speech it confuses people who are barely understanding you, and thus it is best to just keep it to one or two words. "bottle water" or "toilet" or "internet cafe" spoken slowly and clearly will get results.
'you never give me your money, you only give me your funny paper, and in the middle of negotiations you break down' i'm listening to abbey road, tattva has a cd-r with mp3's of 27 beatles albums on it. i've been writing music lately, and it feels good to go back to the masters of rock n roll to get inspiration from them. alot of old style music is rubbish, but the beatles are awesome.
so i went up to the farm and hung out there for 3 days, and it was really nice but for some reason it was too quiet. maybe it was the lack of electricity that made it hard to read with the little lantern i had. i dont know maybe i just wasnt in the mood. i'll be going back in a few days i suppose. theres some really cool waterfalls that i want to see, with a bottomless pool you can jump into from some big cliffs. so there was some work to be done at the farm, and the canadiens, led by a natropathic doctor named surya, asked me if i wanted to help out. well i didnt want to be the only one up there doing nothing. turns out what they needed help with was carrying the cow dung from where it is stored, in a huge hole that has been dug out of the ground next to the holding pen, to the fields where they were getting ready to do some planting. in organic farming, cow dung is used as fertilizer. its alot better for the soil than chemical fertilizer, and has alot of nutrients. after using the dung for 3 years or so the soil is so rich and healthy you dont need to use it anymore. but if the soil has been depleated, like much of the soil is at the farm, from years of chemical fertilizers you have to use the dung for many years. and alot of it. so for hour after hour i carried load after load of dung in a plastic basket from the dung hole to the fields. it was good exercise, got me sweating a bit, got me tired. the next day i helped clear out a canal that would be used for irrigating the fields. the canal is cleared out yearly, and it is hard work. you have to shovel out mud and muck and chop down weeds and bushes that have grown in and around the canal, and the whole time you work you are looking for a way to do it better, easier, more efficently. the mud is deep, you have to take off your sandals or they'll get stuck in the mud, and underneath the mud is rocks rocks rocks so if your feet are tender and unaccustomed to this kind of treatment, it hurts! every step! and i thought my feet were tough....wrong. this work really killed me, let me tell you, it was intense. first cutting down the overgrown brush and weeds and such with a huge machete that seemed to me to be a bit dull, or else i really am weak as a kitten, as everyone says. then digging out the mud with a kind of upside down shovel that is kind of like a hoe, only with a more severe angle and is more rounded and a little bigger. ok thats a bad description but the main thing is that it is a good tool for breaking up soil and making rows and such, but is a horrible tool for digging mud out of a ditch and then throwning it up to the side of it. luckily i found some shovels, and they were better, although then the problem became the rocks that would prevent smooth uptake of the mud. it was just hard work, hard physical labor that boys from shaker hts ohio are not accustomed to.
listening to these old songs is really intense. they're so good. this book i'm reading, 'zen and the art of motorcycle maintenince' is all about recognizing this thing called 'Quality' and i cant think of a better definition of quality than the beatles. or if thats not enough, i'd say mahler's unfinished symphony, thats quality. anything by Bach has quality to spare. the latest new order cd, that has quality. i'm anxiously awaiting the cd 'mary star of the sea' by Zwan, that will be out at the end of this month. i have high expectations that this new offering from mr corgan will reaffirm my belief that there is still room for rock, real rock n roll in the american pop scene.
thats all i've got to say today.
not sure how much longer i'm gonna be here in Kollur, i guess another 10-15 days. i have to get in touch with some people in Mysore, my next destination, and figure out what i'm going to do when i get there. i think after that i may visit Khempo, a buddhist monk who is a pretty cool guy i've met in the states, and then i'll go on to italy, where my aunt Phyllis has invited me to spend some time with her wonderfull family. joy! i think i'll spend 2 weeks there and then i'll go back home. i need to get back to clevebland before may so that i can secure a good summer job and some cheap housing. i'd like to live in a wherehouse if i can find one that would fit my budget. just a big open space where i can set up a bunch of amps, drumset, other stuff and bang away for a while. we'll see. i have to say i feel alot better, i've opened up new avenues that i didnt know existed, i have opportunities to do alot of cool things in the future, and my desire to do something productive with myself has returned, but in a different way. its like i was really uptight for a while, that everything was so deathly important, the meaning of life, whatever. that i felt like i had to look for something that i didnt' have, that i was missing something, that i had to get out of town right quickly and figure out a few things. and its not even that i sat down and meditated for hours on anything, its like a cup that was filled with nectar and was in my left hand, but i was too busy worrying about my right hand to even look over there, and eventually my right hand pointed to my left hand and said 'look there it is you had it all along, why dont you relax, you're too uptight'. like it was so important that i find god, that i couldnt' really do anything untill god told me to do it, or told me what to do, or something. i dont know it seems a bit silly now but i know why i was feeling that way and then i feel really silly.
"what should i do??"
"go back inside and have a good time. whenever you need me i'll be there"
"ok"
i was looking for something that i thought was external, seperate from myself, away from myself, that i didnt' posess already. and actually the opposite is true, and i was looking in the wrong place. maybe this is coming back to me because i havent been anihilating my senses everyday with booze and other things, maybe its because i've been saying the maha mantra alot lately, maybe its just india, whatever. i just hope i don't lose this feeling. i came here trying to get back some of my old zest, that smile i used to have, that feeling i used to have and i do feel like i'm getting it back.
rawk on
chris
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