yes, it definitely smells like fall. i took a walk today after frustrations from procrastination. i am supposed to be working full-time in two jobs: a) working from home as a web designer (and i have an assignment i am also supposed to be working on); and b) finding a full-time job. but instead i spend most of the day looking for recipes on how to use mathia flour in indian dishes. i sometimes travel up to devon street, the indian/pakistani neighborhood in chicago, and purchase some unusual ingredient that i don't have the slightest clue how to use. i found a good recipe for aluwala roti, those little fried potato and onion patties. hed and i would eat those by the dozen at india cafe in peoria. oh, how indian buffets are so irresistible.      so i took a walk today. and the air smells so much of fall. brown and yellow leaves covering the earth and concrete. i found a lost envelope near the school by my house. i thought a lot. i thought about myself in the role of an educator, a teacher in the public schools here. it makes me nervous to think about being in that role. to me, a teacher is the chief of the tribe, the wise individual living on the mountain, the philosopher in ancient greece; to me, the teacher fits this kind of stereotype. i don't see a teacher as hierarchically above the students, but rather as a common person with invaluable knowledge and the willingness to share. like a medicine man in the rainforests of south america will heal the sick, the teacher of north america will educate. it is no easy role, which is what makes me nervous, but it is the kind of nervousness that gives me butterflies in my stomach, excited over the thought of being able to interact with a classroom of young minds and the challenge to keep them engaged. most of all, at this point in my life i feel like i am the one with so much to learn. and i can't think of anything better to teach me than a classroom filled with kids.

{15 october 2003}

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